Monday, May 30, 2005

Meriadoc's Lost Diary

Because I am a creature of habit, I couldn't help thinking that the character played by Dominic Monaghan on Lost seemed more than a little familiar. This is what I thought on seeing the first couple of episodes of the series. (With apologies both profuse and profound to Mr. Abrams, Mr. Monaghan, Ms. Fielding, Professor Tolkien, and Miss Cassie Claire.) Of course, it probably goes without saying that any theory I had about this show was blown clean out of the clear blue water by the season finale.

Dear Diary:
This is absolutely the last time I let Pip and his stupid cousin talk me into anything. "Come West for a holiday," they said. "Just head for the Havens and over the Sea," they said. "Nothing to it." What they didn't know was that an "aeroplane" is a much less trustworthy form of transportation than even a horse! Next thing I know I'm falling out of the bloody sky from some contraption that even Saruman wouldn't be caught dead in. Apparently the Sea tries to eat aeroplane machines when it gets hungry enough. The wreckage looked like Bagshot Row after Sharkey and his ruffians got hold of things. Bloody awful! Am certain there is magic on this Island. Distressingly taller than ever - almost of a height with the Men! P. will be frantic with jealousy. Sadly all out of leaf. Withdrawal symptoms unbelievable. Cannot remember own name. Keep calling myself "Charlie". Have not used middle name in yonks. Am beginning to find one of the local shieldmaidens disturbingly attractive. First time I ever saw a pregnant shieldmaiden. Bonus: tall enough to talk to her eye-to-eye. Strangest side-effect: feet no longer hairy - v. odd.
As far as I can make it out, Númenor has risen from the waves to trap us all. Though Mister Bilbo's stories never mentioned any Ents on N. I believe there is a very angry Ent on this Island, making just the sort of noise that Treebeard and Quickbeam made just before knocking dirty great holes in Orthanc. Must find out if he knows T. (Disturbing thought: what if it's one of the Entwives, driven mad with loneliness and deprivation? V. sad for Treebeard & co., if so.) No Entwash or any decent vittles anywhere on this sodding Island. Entwives’ presumable feelings of deprivation understandable. Makes me long for the stores of Orthanc. Or even some of that lembas. Mmm - lembas. V. sad state if reduced to longing for dry, tasteless Elvish snacks. On the positive side, many Elves appear to have made journey with us on aeroplane. So many tall, slender, appallingly good-looking people. Must be Noldor as I don't recognise any names, but Kate, Boone, Shannon clearly of the line of the Firstborn. Jack could well be one of the Dunedain, but Sawyer reminds me slightly of Boromir - good with weapons, and has similar habit of nicking things that don't belong to him. Note: must remember not to call Hurley "Samwise." Will knock F's and P's heads together for their holiday suggestion, if ever rescued. Miss ale desperately.
Meriadoc C. Brandybuck